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7 days

August 8, 2009

So I will eventually finish my other blog post… In the mean time I’ve been working very hard to figure what exactly is a Chicago accent. The goal is to have a subtle but present accent so that when I move to the east coast, I will stick out just a little bit to give me a small uniqueness. Unfortunately, I’ve been doing too good of a job learning it, and I got it to stick a little too much…

But it is Saturday night. In seven days I will be starting grad school, driving out to my new apartment, in my new city, in my new school, to meet my new friends (hopefully), while sleeping in my new bed (if I can find one), using my new kitchen knives (they’re Japanese which means they are the best according to my mom), in my new kitchen, wrapped in my new towel, after showering in my new shower, etc. etc. etc. Suffice it to say everything is changing very abruptly for me.

How bittersweet. One day you are sitting at home, bored out of your mind with nothing to do but read, eat, practice that new Chicago style, and worry about what’s to come. And all the worrying does is make you dread the day. And then the day comes. You’ve lost your family, your bed, your stability, and are now trying to create a new balance, a new boredom, but with the benefit of having ultimate control, free from your family’s boundaries. You may be teetering and constantly worrying, but all for the benefit of eventually balancing independently. So naturally, I’m ridiculously excited. That’s why this whole thing is so strange. It sucks to have to move, it sucks to have to start over, but ultimately these changes are ridiculously for the better.

Undergrad was exactly the same, but a microcosm. You think you’re gaining independence, you’re finally moving away, to get to do what you want, learn what you want, in an environment of like minded people. And to a certain extent that is very much true. But undergrad ends. And your like minded friends move away. The learning stops, if you even got to learn something you wanted to amidst all the distros and requirement, and you may get to pursue your true passion, if you’ve even figured that out yet. And if you haven’t guess what, you’re back at home, and your independence is gone again.

But grad school, to a certain extent, is what we were all looking for when we went to undergrad. I’m getting true independence by moving to this new apartment in this new state and getting a new drivers license and insurance policies, all being paid for with the stipend I’m getting through school. School has become the job! I’m learning exactly what I want to learn and my job in the end is the job I want to do for the rest of my life (I think). This is the dream. And the most exciting part: all the people I’ll be meeting in a month’s time are thinking the same thing. They have the same dream, and the same interests, and the same fears, and the same hopes. What better than to worry among friends?

And last night, with everything I have to worry about, like moving, buying everything I need, affording everything I need, and grad school in general, the only thing I could worry about were the people I’m going to be working with for the next ~6 years. Who are these people? But really, the thing is, I’m not worried about meeting them at all. I just want to know now what they are like. Who is ridiculously into research? Who just loves science? Who is bitter about the world? Who absolutely does not believe in god? Who is scared about what’s to come? Who else has no idea if this is the direction he or she needs to go?

Seven days I move. In seven days, God apparently created the universe (I’m not really sure about this, someone told me that). Hopefully in the next seven days I will be able to upturn my life. And hopefully, in seven days, I’ll land on me feet and ready to start running. With a subtle Chicago accent.

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